25 Things I Learned from my Dad...

1. How to swim in the ocean.

2. To always take my vitamins.

3. How to use a thesaurus to improve my writing.

4. Army songs… (I left, I left, I left my wife and a 15 kids, over there, over there…)

5. That a freshly showered man in a nice suit is something to behold.

6. To smile often because I’m pretty when I smile.

7. That daily exercise is an important part of keeping fit.

8. To honor my mother.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

It’s hot. I mean really hot. So glad I brought my sunscreen and my souvenir hat from the last game. Anyone who knows me knows that I am here to have the garlic fries and beer and to do some serious people watching. I’ve already had my first cold one and a bag of peanuts. The shells are under my seat and under the seat of the person sitting to my right who hasn’t arrived yet. Here she comes with her huge husband. Oh, I hope she sits next to me rather than him.

I get lucky.

But before she sits down she swiftly sweeps my peanut shells from under her seat back at me with a couple hostile swipes of one tennis shoe covered foot. I guess we won’t be engaging in any small talk today.