Putting away Christmas...

Ok.. on to the next thing.

My niece and future daughter in law are including me in a group text about wedding showers, having babies and when’s the next party. My cup runneth over but my energy runneth low. Even though I deeply admire their youthful enthusiasm and love for each other and for me, I want to text back “Ladies! Let me get Christmas put away first!”

So many things to look forward to in the new year. But before I go there I want to be here. I want to be here to put Christmas away. I want to look at all the ornaments I threw on the tree in such a rush between working, traveling and meal preparing. It all happened so fast and now it’s over.

Can you see me now?

When I lived in Portland, Oregon one of my favorite things to do in the evening with my neighbor Clara was walk around the neighborhood and just catch up on the day, build our friendship, and look into peoples’ windows.

From the sidewalk of course!

Homes at night, illuminated from within, reveal so much more than the typical daytime drive-by viewing. There’s often an interesting lamp or a curious seating arrangement. There is the lighting and the color and the architecture and the moisture on the windows that speaks of warmth and conversations and relationships within.

"Such is life!"

Life is fragile.

One day you are enjoying your privacy in your big two story house getting your own tea and bossing around your cleaning lady and the next day you have an accident, spend the night in a hospital and consequently have 100 of your closest relatives worrying and knowing what’s best for you.

“Such is life!” my father would say.

When Adele married Dad at the ripe age of 54 years old, having never been married before or had children, she inherited all of us whether she agreed to it or not. My siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles, were all very pleased with Dad’s choice of a new wife. She kept him happy and even and tethered. Something every one of us Shaheens seems to need I might add.

Make Believe

Halloween is such a great excuse to dress up, try on a new identity and pretend we are someone or something other than who or what we are. Most other days of the year it would be considered eccentric at best if we were to try to pull that off. But in the world of make believe, we have permission to let our minds wander and wonder…

Many times in my life, I must admit, I’ve felt like I have gotten off the freeway at the wrong exit. I wonder if I’m the only one who has ever felt this way. Even though I am quite content with my life as it is, it is titillating to imagine how it might have been different if I’d taken the other fork in the road or followed a passion that seemed too impractical at the time to consider.

Woulda coulda shoulda ….

Something Special

When I was the ripe young age of 21 years old and engaged to my college sweetheart, my mother did something rather out of character for her. She threw an engagement party for us.

Now keep in mind that there was no pinterest in 1978 and no internet for that matter! I was finishing my college degree and typing my final papers on a typewriter that never quite spit out my monkey mind thoughts as fast as I wanted it to. My mother’s parties were always the same- no fancy decorations or new recipes. They usually consisted of the house full of my siblings, their spouses and their children. And even though no “extra” people were invited, we still had to eat in shifts at the dining room table. The house was always full of chatter and love and the table was always groaning under the weight of homemade Lebanese food and the elbows of my handsome and hungry brothers.

My Second Act

I just celebrated another birthday. They seem to be coming faster and faster and as Joni Mitchell says in her song “Circle Game” I want to drag my feet just to slow the circle down. I’m really not that old. Just old enough to live in the new “senior” housing in Morgan Hill (if I wanted to). Just old enough to get a discounted ticket at the movie theater. Just old enough to be courted and and pursued by AARP. Just old enough to know better most times…

At least I don’t feel old.

In honor of my recent birthday I’d like to give myself a big round of applause for Act One of my life! It has not been without struggle and I want to take a bow and acknowledge all the varied and sundry experiences, the provocative and stimulating people, the gut-wrenching turmoil, the unexpected deliriously joyful surprises, the down and dirty hard work and the yin and yang of it all.

Motherless...

I was at the supermarket balancing 6 month old Peter on my hip and purchasing groceries for a Mother’s Day Brunch for a small army, my shopping cart overflowing. At 30 years old it wasn’t unusual for me to put on a feast for 30-40 people. Doing take-out was never an option. “Wow, are you having a party?” the checkout clerk asked. Of course they always asked me that because, like my mother before me, my grocery cart was always piled high with food. The more you feed your family, of course, the more you love them!

“Yes.. a Mother’s Day Brunch. I wonder when it will be my turn to have a Mother’s Day?!” I said somewhat sarcastically and somewhat truthfully. My Mother’s Day would be spent standing in the kitchen over a hot stove! (Ha.. doesn’t that sound like something your mother would say?)

To see a world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower.. ~ William Blake

I don’t know how I managed to kill the beautiful magnolia that had graced my front yard for the past twenty years. But the optimist in me saw it as an opportunity to choose a tree of my own.

My search began on the internet. I then quizzed my tree-hugging son, Patrick, about branching patterns and flower colors and the ability to live in a watered lawn environment. After much deliberation I settled on another magnolia- the deciduous kind that flowers early in spring and leafs out after a spectacular show of color.

You have probably seen this tree in beautiful shades of pink and violet. But I was curiously drawn to the description of the magnolia with a delicate butter yellow flower. Now that it is in bloom, I am remembering why.

Much needed weekend with my Bestie!

Do you ever feel like you have to escape your life and find someone who can help you make sense of the chaos and confusion that is creating cobwebs in your brain and taking up all available grey matter? Is there anything better than a best friend to help you put it all into perspective?

She’s not going to like this picture and she’s going to kill me for posting it! But she’s my best friend and she will forgive me. That’s what best friends do. This is me and my bestie in our hotel room with my iPad. We are stalking people we went to high school with on Facebook. How fun is that? By day we are mothers with college degrees and respectable jobs. We each have raised three high functioning children and we own our homes. We go to work everyday and people think we have it all together.

Love is hard work.

Now that Valentine’s Day is over we can get down to the real business of love.

Love is not always flowers and chocolates or a fine dinner over a bottle of wine. Rather, these are icing on the cake of love. The real work of love is behind the scenes. Subtle yet powerful. Painful and challenging at times.

Love is saying “I’ll be right there” when you have a million other pressing things on your schedule. Love is the two AM feeding when they are infants, the carpooling to 100 soccer games when they are 10, holding them accountable to a curfew when they are teenagers, and eventually letting go as they kick and scream for their independence.  Love is listening and keeping your mouth shut when you think you have earth shattering advice.  Love is being strong and letting someone lean on you.  Love is hanging on the phone for hours with a friend who just needs to talk. Love is knowing the difference between supporting and enabling. Love is forgiving others and releasing obligation. Love is forgiving oneself for mistakes made and roads not taken. Love is keeping vigil at the bedside of a dying parent. Love is holding on to hope in a desperate situation. Love is praying for good news. Love is comforting the grieving. Love is walking to the end of ones’ land every evening and waiting for the prodigal son to return home. Love is holding out a light in the darkness.

Love is swallowing your pride when your pride is getting in the way of loving.

Love is hard work.

Getting my ash in gear...

Yesterday’s Ash Wednesday Liturgy at Presentation High School was a beautiful thing. Eight hundred young women in formal dress uniform exuberantly singing an old Protestant hymn, Amazing Grace. The gym was filled to capacity- standing room only. The homily was delivered by a woman- our own resident bible scholar, Claire Foley. Peer ministers doused their fellow students with ashes. A slide show highlighted one of our Sisters of Presentation, Sr. Rachel Pinal, who works as a missionary in Somotillo, Nicaragua. The liturgy kicked off our Mission Drive month, raising money to support our Sisters of Presentation working for peace and justice in South America.