“We do not see things as they are, 

we see them as we are.”

I was born and raised in a Catholic bubble.  My life was informed by weekly Mass, Confession, praying the rosary, fasting and abstinence.  I wrote JMJ (Jesus Mary and Joseph) on the top of all my papers at St. Philip Neri School and proudly wore my uniform with the matching beanie bobbypinned to my head. (You Catholic girls know exactly what I'm talking about!) 

My parents were joyful.  My dad was an usher at Mass and my mom sang in the choir.  They were quite affectionate with each other and produced six healthy offspring in eleven years due to the Church's stance on birth control.  I felt loved and protected and vowed to raise my own family in the pattern of their footsteps- even though their marriage ended after 24 years due to unplanned extenuating circumstances.  

I married at 22 and raised three sons in the Catholic bubble with all the accoutrements of a good Catholic home. .. weekly Mass, Catechism, Catholic school, Jesus Mary and Joseph and the whole shebang.  After 24 years my marriage fell apart.  No extenuating circumstances.  Just a basic failure to survive together through relocations, deaths in the family and a felt lack of love and protection. 

Wash, rinse and repeat.  But now I'm on a mission to rethink everything.  

In the last 10 years I have sold my big house and bought a townhome.  I quit my 21 year career as a counselor at a Catholic High School.  And I have developed a serious yoga addiction.  

Unhinged and free, I am searching for a way to open the aperture of my camera.  (The definition of aperture- a space through which light passes in an optical or photographic instrument, especially the variable opening by which light enters a camera.) 

My eyes are conditioned to see what I see through the lense of my past experiences.  Perhaps I need to expand and let in more light.

We do not see things as they are.  We see them as we are.

When Michelangelo created the David, he chipped away at a large block of marble until the masterpiece was revealed within.  He removed everything that did not belong to The David.  

Hmmm....

Perhaps that is my journey.  The traditions and the self imposed parameters that I have been carrying around for 60 plus years need to be judiciously shaved off, removed, and chipped away in order for me to become the authentic person I was meant to be.  The Rosemarie.

I was raised Catholic and what else?

I am a mother and a grandmother and what else?

I vote Democrat and what else?

I work as a psychotherapist and what else?

As I chip away at what has defined me I open my aperture to see other points of view.  I see opportunities that might otherwise be passed over.  I see new friendships that could enhance my life.  I see decent people whom I respect with different political views than I have and I keep the channels open and the discussion moving forward.  I can allow my sons to create their own paths and not worry that all that money spent on Catholic school was for not.

I'm the kind of person who decides to clean out their garage and I take absolutely everything out, sweep the floor and then rethink whether I still need it and how I might store it differently.  How wonderful if we could do that with our lives!  

I don't need this anymore.  

That can go in a different spot.  

Now I have space for something else.  

We cling so desperately to what we know.  What else is out there?  I am on a mission to find out.

Would you join me?  I'd love to hear your comments!