Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Mandatory Pre-wedding Mother/Son Breakfast

It’s all the rage. Right up there with pre-marriage counseling. And I invented it.

Peter is my first son down the aisle. The first one to get the pep talk and the unsolicited advice about marriage and women and everything he’s ever wanted to know about life but didn’t know he didn’t know!

On my way up highway 101 to our meeting place- Stack’s in Burlingame, I contemplate my speech. I have resisted the urge to bring index cards with notes. Isn’t this wisdom encapsulated within? Aren’t these things I know by heart?

Oh, now I know what that means… To know something by heart.

I’m listening to NPR and they are coincidentally interviewing Raffi, singer songwriter of songs for children. Songs that teach them about world peace and brushing your teeth and loving your family. Songs that Peter and I sang “by heart” while putting puzzles together on the living room hard wood floor, anxiously waiting for his brothers to come home from school. Synchronicity. My world is lining up to herald the beginning of a new way of life. Passing the baton so to speak. A married son. A new daughter. A new branch of the family systems map.

All those good Raffi lyrics imbedded in the heart and soul of my youngest son. Incubating. Shake your sillys out! Rise and shine and show your love all around the world! One light one sun, one sun lighting everyone.

I get to the restaurant before Peter and pick the best table near a window. I love light when I eat out. I see him enter and I wave (like a mother..). He looks taller. Can you continue to grow in your late 20’s? He walks with such confidence and grace. Comfortable in his own skin. So very unaware of the stir he creates when he enters a room.

Clear sea green eyes. Beautiful olive complexion. A heart of gold.

I only have two hours on the parking meter. Will that be enough time, I wonder? I have so much to say! I need two breakfasts! Or maybe another week! Time has run out.

My mother told me that before each of my brothers got married she bought them pajamas and told them not to discuss money on their honeymoon. My mother told me before I got married- she was ahead of her time- to never depend on a man to support you! That seemed harsh at the time and I told her so. And we argued. But I understand her words now and have not forgotten them.

I took them to heart.

It occurs to me that Peter is going to remember everything I say this morning.

One hour and 45 minutes later- eggs, cheese, bagels, coffee, orange juice, fruit, potatoes, and a connection that is fierce between a mother and her son, we conclude. There’s more to say, no doubt. The love is palpable. We take a selfie, hug, and go on about our days.

I am exhausted and come home to take a nap.

When I wake up I realize that it isn’t just about what I said this morning. It’s about the years and years of love and modeling good behavior and love and tender instruction and love and singing and dancing together and love and listening late at night and love and respecting others and playing fair and world peace and making your bed and shaking your sillys out.

We covered all that in the last 28 years. Peter’s good to go.

All things considered, I’m hoping my other two sons wait for a bit to get married until I’ve recuperated from this mandatory event. I pray that Rob and Patrick know all this by heart and that our breakfast will be just a recapitulation of years and years of Raffi songs, loving your family, doing your chores and one sun shining on everyone.

One love, one heart
One heart warming everyone
One hope, one joy
One love filling everyone.

20 Responses

  1. Well done Momma Ro!!!!!!!!!!

    Congrats and here’s to continued Wisdom!,,

  2. OK, tearing up now. Beautiful. Your sons are soooooooooooooo lucky to have you as their mama. As you said, “Peter’s good to go.” Love.

  3. Lovingly, brilliantly, thought and written. Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart with us.

  4. Erma Bombeck used to say that the mother of the groom just wore beige and kept her mouth shut. I like your style much better! Having that bit of time to impart final wisdom, to celebrate that special bond before it expands to include another person, is lovely. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and this shining life moment. Here’s to Peter and Breezy and the years to come. Long may they love.

    • Oh Erma Bombeck! I loved her. Yes, wear beige and keep quiet.. We’ve come a long way in the Mother of the Groom department. Thanks for your well wishes!

  5. You are a beautiful Mom and every minute of love you put into Peter was well worth it. Thank you.

  6. Beautifully and thoughtfully written, Rosemarie. Composed with heartfelt love, sapient reflection, lucid vision, joyful anticipation, and tender embrace. Peter’s marriage will be wonder for you. Your godson is so happy with his beautiful Joanna and precious Maura. You will be in awe as you watch the days and months and years unfold. It is breath-taking in its grace and beauty. You are so richly blessed to have Peter and Rob and Patrick. What happiness there is in motherhood! Enjoy the wedding. Savor the moment. Feel the presence of God. Know that heaven unfolds before the sunrise of that oh-so-special day. I am so happy for all of you and all of you are very much in my thoughts and prayers right now. High five, Rosemarie, for a job well done!

    • Kathy, did we ever imagine we’d be at this joyful juncture when we were washing all those diapers on Tedemory Dr? You’ve paved the road for me and I am looking so forward to all the things you’ve been experiencing. It gets better and better. Who would have thought? We just need to stay healthy enough to babysit, get on the floor and do puzzles, run after bikes with training wheels, etc! We get to do it all again! I am so excited! xox

  7. And she kept all these things hidden in her heart. Some of what you said over breakfast, Peter will remember. What Robert, Patrick and Peter will never forget, is the love that has been showered on them day by day, for all of their lives. Job well done my friend, job well done.

    • Thank you, my friend. Faith, hope and love abide. And the greatest of these is love. Amen. We have so much to look forward to and many life transitions to share. This is all so exciting, isn’t it? xox

  8. What a wonderful new tradition Rosemarie! And such wisdom… from you as well as a little from Raffi. I can’t believe you remember all those lyrics! They made me cry then, and now again…. one love, one heart … it’s really true, and it’s bursting forth in you! Congratulations on love as it radiates from you and now through your sons :)

  9. Excellent! As a mother of one amazing son- who is not quite ready to walk down the aisle, I don’t have to have the conversation yet. But thank you for the inspirational words and thoughts for when the time comes! Raffi kinda does say it all!

  10. Susie, Thank you for reading my blog and leaving a comment! It’s great to create this creative and supportive community on line. I bet your son is totally amazing!

  11. Wonderful!
    We just walked child #3 (last one!) down the aisle two weekends ago. So much love in the room, so many people wishing them well…it moved me a great deal and made me so thankful that I am still here to share in my adult children’s lives and loves…we had no idea how rich this season of life would be, did we? Hugs to you…

  12. Nancy, the wedding is over and now I understand what you said about all the love in the room! So much love and also years and years of history with very significant people in my son’s life. It was so much to take in. I feel so very loved!! Thanks for reading and congratulations on #3 wedding!

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