Friday, April 10, 2020

Craving God🔥

Dale and I were on a hike yesterday and as usual, when I am in motion, I get loose lips. “I feel guilty. I’m working from home. No makeup. No dress up. No gas expenditures. And I’m pulling in a good salary. So are you. This shelter in place has been sort of nice for us. But not for others. I feel guilty.”

Dale’s response? “It’s the Catholic in you.”

I was grateful for his comment. He noticed. Even though my Sunday Mass attendance has been abysmal and at times I can cuss like a sailor. You can take the girl out of the Catholic but you can’t take the Catholic out of the girl. Maybe I’m still going to heaven. Who knows.

On the downhill, Dale wants to run. I say go ahead. I’d rather walk. And walk in silence with this beautiful sky. It’s Holy Thursday and I am craving God.

It’s true. I do Catholic everyday. I work for a Catholic high school. We pray. We sing. We work on being in community. All the things that are meaningful for me. But with all the controversy in the Catholic church and my growing concern that women will never be priests- it’s all caught up with me. Some despair. Some dissatisfaction. Some disbelief. Did Jesus really wash the feet of the apostles? Did they really nail him to a cross? Did he really rise from the dead?

I do like to believe that the women were the first to see that the stone had been rolled away at the tomb. That might be my favorite part of the Easter story. And Veronica.. how she wiped the face of Jesus and it left an impression of his face on her veil. I love that..

Later, over a home cooked meal of pot roast and salad with Dale’s favorite dressing, blue cheese, we agree on a news station to watch. (That’s a challenge for us.. ) PBS is covering how people are practicing their faith during this holy week. There is a spotlight on the Muslim religion and how they celebrate Ramadan- fasting from dawn till sunset- it’s a time of prayer, giving, and self evaluation. Prayer together is so essential to this community and not being able to be together in prayer at the mosque is very sad for Muslims. When they break the fast, there is much celebration and food and people who are not as fortunate are invited and included. And there is so much joy.

I’m thinking of my own Catholic traditions. Tonight at 7pm, Holy Thursday services will be streamed from Bellarmine College Prep, the high school my three sons attended. Regardless of my doubts and my reservations, I want to be on the other side of that screen.

I feel spiritually depleted.

I am craving God 🔥

7 Responses

  1. I love your blogs and so often find thoughts that parallel my own ( but expressed by you so much more eloquently than I ever could)… this recent blog brought back a memory from our college days, you and I sitting in the Peppermill lounge in Sacramento sipping fancy drinks (?) …discussing Church, faith, religion….at that moment our topic was should we remain members of the Catholic Church and work for change, or migrate to a faith more along the lines of our personal beliefs, I don’t remember if we came to a conclusion or not, I think it was an ongoing discussion. Now why do I remember this moment so many years later….? Sending prayers for a blessed Easter!

  2. Oh, Annie, I remember that too! And yet after those college days I immersed myself so totally in the Catholic Church for years and years- raising the boys with all of the accoutrements of Catholicism, cantering at Mass, bible studies at our home. I really don’t think you can take the Catholic out of me. I love so many things about it. Especially their stance on Social Justice issues and also our new Pope Francis. Maybe we will get there someday? Maybe there will be women priests. I keep thinking that there is something more community based that I can do when I retire. A cause. Any ideas? Blessed Easter to you! xo

    • I also have remained Catholic, it is who I am! Could never be anything else… and raised our children in the church, all the sacraments, as alter servers, choir members, we did it all! ( although only one currently practices). Loved hearing from you and once retired also hope to pursue a course that will make a difference . And retirement may be very soon with this pandemic, I am choosing not to work right now ( home health, not comfortable with this right now for family reasons). Take care! Yes let’s meet up someday!

  3. I think most Catholics have doubts about their religion. (Notice I said “religion” and not “faith.”) Even Mom (no one was more Catholic) sometimes had mixed feelings. I’ll never forget Mom’s umbrage after one particular Mass, where the gospel was Jesus at the home of Martha and Mary. Martha was busy cooking and preparing the food, but Mary was sitting at Jesus’s feet. And Jesus said that Mary was doing the better thing. That pissed Mom off so much. She said if she were Martha, she’d say, “Ok, Jesus, if that’s what you think, come in here and peel your own potatoes!”

    • Totally cracking up!! I so remember that! ❤️❤️ I think God dwells in the kitchen!

  4. Dearest Rosemarie, Catholic is what we ARE – not what we DO. It’s in the marrow of our bones and in the cells of our blood. We were claimed for Christ at our Baptism, and His stamp is on us. He is perfect; the Church, in Its humanity, is not. Look at St. Mary Magdalene. She was proclaimed a prostitute back in the 1500’s because the powers that be could not let her be recognized as what she really was – the Apostle to the Apostles. One that stood at the foot of the cross with His Mother as He died, the first one to whom our risen Lord appeared, the one that carried His message to His followers. A mere woman, indeed! That was rectified a few years ago, and the church is recognizing her for who she really was. Change will come, but it will come slowly. We are an ancient tradition and have evolved little in many areas. We may never see women priests in our lifetimes. This quarantine is uncharted waters for all of us. I keep remembering the plagues that swept across Europe when all the people had to ward off the illness was their faith. I’ve been watching masses on EWTN and those that are live-streamed from my parish. I see my place in the choir loft where I should be singing the hymns, acclamations, and responses and I feel an empty place in my heart. Just remember – the tomb stood empty on Easter Sunday morning. A new day had dawned. He had risen. He is with us still, and better times are ahead. Love and light to you today. Be well. Be blessed.

  5. Oh Rosemarie my dear friend, as usual, you zero in on what it is truly important. Thank you for expressing so simply and eloquently a timeless truth. Your quote is so true: “You can take the girl out of the Catholic, but you can’t take the Catholic out of the girl”.

    We will always crave God and our inbred Catholic traditions.

    we crave God and our Catholic

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