Saturday, January 10, 2015

New Year, New Intentions

Many years ago, I attended a funeral with my then husband, for one of his co-workers. The gregarious and well respected engineer died relatively young leaving a wife and two small children. I don’t remember how he died but I do recall how sad the service was and how irritated I was as the priest continued to encourage the congregation to “Let Go and Let God”!

I didn’t think for one minute that this man’s wife and family were ready to swallow that message. Their grief was palpable and there would be difficult days and nights to get through before they could possibly “let go” and find peace with their loved one’s death.  I cried the entire way home from that funeral feeling that life was so unfair and random and unpredictable.  Vestiges of my own personal losses came up out of nowhere.  Letting go was the last thing I wanted to do.

I found this card in a box with other momentoes that I have saved through the years.  It was given to me after the death of my father more than 20 years ago with a heartfelt message from two dear friends from church, Mark and Margaret.  So timely that the message should find its way into my hands, asking to be reconsidered.

When the student is ready the teacher will appear. I’m ready to hear this message. This is my intention for 2015.

I am a saver of old cards, of my parents things, of photographs, of memories. I have trouble opening my hands and letting things sift through, only keeping what is most important.  I cling to old ideas and patterns and struggle with transition and change. But some old ways do not serve me anymore. I am choosing to change the energy in my life and counting on God to help me take the leap to the new and unexpected.

Last night I had a dream about seeing our old next door neighbors from our first home in Whittier. (Previous neighbors!  Kenn and Lynda- you guys aren’t old yet!)  I felt that tinge of sadness and nostalgia that one feels when they revisit the past and remember good times and feel a sense of loss.

I am girding myself for said emotions.

Here’s to a new year.  A year of exciting discovery and potential nostalgia and sadness.

The student is ready.





2 Responses

  1. Dave and I were going to San Francisco today to renew our wedding vows and received a call from our friend Father Mike; that he was celebrating a funeral of a former student who passed away. This young man was only 40 years old with a wife and two small children. He was hit by a truck while riding with his bike club. Just 10 days prior, he was awarded the job of his dreams and on Christmas Day, spent the day with his family enjoying all of God’s blessings. I juxtapose this with my FIL battling pneumonia during the holidays, and coming out of it as healthy as a 97 year old man can be. Some of life’s questions, have no answers; so the best thing we can do is “Let Go and Let God”.

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